I woke up on New Years Day and immediately checked the weather for Mt Monadnock. A part of me (call it “Cantdo”) was hoping for freezing rain or some other sign from the universe that said “you should not hike today”. Since the weather was clear, Cantdo immediately started up where he'd left off the previous night; “this is foolish, the snow is going to be really deep, you're just going to slip and impale yourself on a tree branch” or “the Rangers will just turn you away when you get there”. Then “Nobodycares” started asking some really pointed questions about why I was hiking in the first place. For moral support he enlisted the help of “Whatareyoutryingtoprove”. This duo had teamed up on me in the past and is partly responsible for my recent lack of blog activity. Shortly thereafter “Youneedrest” cleared his throat but decided to keep quiet after I glared at him. “Defeatedandhopeless” even stopped by and encouraged me to go downstairs, have some breakfast and play some Xbox (just for a FEW minutes).
As I laid there waiting for one of them to win, my dear friend “Justtry” called and in her tiny voice said “just get your gear ready and let's go. Worst case they turn us away and we can hike Wachusett instead”. I wasn't completely convinced but decided to listen to her advice.
During the drive out Justtry patiently sat in the back seat while Cantdo was cranking his favorite song “Foreboding”. I think we had just reached the 50th minute of the guitar solo as I pulled up to the gatehouse at the base of Monadnock. With apologies to Cantdo, I turned down the music to speak with the Ranger and was greeted with a hearty “Hello! Planning on hiking today?” I tentatively said “Yes, planning to..?” And was half expecting an equally hearty “Well that's too bad because you CLEARLY aren't prepared!” But instead she said “Great! Happy New Year to you from the State of New Hampshire! Admission is free today!” After I expressed my gratitude, she said “be careful there's ice under the snow” which prompted me to ask about my choice of footwear/ice spikes, which she indicated would be fine. As I pulled into a parking space I noticed all of the other cars and admonished Cantdo when he tried to turn his song up again.
Although both Cantdo and Justtry decided to head up the mountain with me, Cantdo got tired really fast. As a matter of fact as soon as he saw how the people who had been there before me had packed down the snow and actually made my hike easier, he got frustrated and headed back to the car.
At this point it was only Justtry and me. She pointed out the beautiful sky and the mild temperature as evidence that I should trust her more. Although I was hoping to see him, I was pleasantly surprised when “Herenow” appeared periodically, to tap me on the shoulder and point to something important (usually transitory in nature like ice crystals on a pine bough). As usual I snapped a picture or two of his favorite spots. Also as usual he couldn't stay for very long (I think I make him nervous).
When I reached the summit I felt great! I took a selfie as well as pictures of those around me.
I eventually noticed Herenow off to the side and decided to hang out with him for a bit. As usual, I struggled to start a conversation but eventually settled on a few moments of shared silence.
About the time I was getting ready to head down Cantdo texted me to say “You're totally impaling yourself on the way down”, so I took out my trekking poles and started carefully picking my way down. This strategy worked great until I got to the shoulder on white dot.
Disclaimer: I don't know the real name for this part of the trail, but I call it the shoulder because it's a fairly significant flat spot right before you get to the cone that forms the summit (which I think of as the head).
Anyway, as I approached the end of the shoulder there were three people talking. An old man who appeared to be heading down and two younger men who appeared to be heading up. As I got closer, I could hear the old man talking (passionately) about the type of ice spikes one of the younger guys was wearing and it was clear that neither one of the young guys wanted any part of the conversation. When I got to within about ten feet of them, the two guys continued on their way and greeted me with a smile, and a shake of their heads that seemed to say “that old man is tapped”. I chuckled (because he did look a little tapped) and decided to let him get a bit in front of me lest he take exception to the ice spikes I had chosen.
As a result he headed off the steep side of the shoulder before me. By the time I was ready to tackle that point in the trail I noticed that he was nowhere to be found. It wasn't until a couple of minutes later that I saw him an improbable distance down the trail from me (almost like he had been teleported). Over the next few minutes I closed some of the distance but as we came to another steep downhill part he teleported again?! After this I started to think of him as the "mountain leprechaun". It wasn't until we came to the “V” that his secret was revealed.
Again, I don't know the actual name for this part of the trail, but two flat rocks form a “V” shaped chute that is treacherous when it gets wet. This was actually the part of the trail that Cantdo would bring up as a justification for not going on the hike because as he correctly pointed out, the ice would make the “V” MUCH more dangerous. In any case, I caught up to the old man at the top of the “V” just as he was questioning the choice of ice spikes that yet another two guys were wearing as they prepared to ascend the “V”. These two guys actually encouraged the old man to come down first which he did.. In the most ingenious way.. By sliding down the “V” fast on his Butt! I can't recall if he actually said it out loud but his entire being seemed to yell “WHEEE” as he slid. When he reached the bottom and hopped up we all said something to the effect of “Awesome!” and low and behold the part of the mountain that I had been most worried about suddenly seemed to be a piece of cake!
After waiting for the two guys to come up, I sheepishly looked around, got down onto my Butt, and slid down to the bottom. It wasn't graceful but I survived and enjoyed the heck out of it! As I got up and dusted myself off, I looked down the trail to find the old man and yelled “you make it look easy!” He just smiled (clearly he had no idea what I said) and kept walking. I proceeded to follow him down and occasionally employed the slide technique a few more times. When we had made it down the last of the steep stuff he stopped to talk with yet another two guys about their choice of ice spikes and apparently one of them had chosen the model he had been researching. I left them to continue their discussion as I headed down the trail. I practically flew down the last ½ mile of the trail with Justtry and Herenow on my heels. When I got back to the car there was no sign of Cantdo.
As I drove home, I reflected on the day and on the role that I was allowing Cantdo, Nobodycares, Whatareyoutryingtoprove, Youneedrest, Defeatedandhopeless as well as countless others to have on my life. What I eventually realized is that all of these companions are not separate entities, they're really just different faces of fear. In the same way I realized that Justtry, Herenow, Peace, Grace and countless others that I still have to discover are all faces worn by love.
Somewhere on route 140, I realized that an old companion “yournotenough” had joined me just in time to join his companions as I'm finally ready to say goodbye to all of them. Or at least start.. Ok, I won't hang out with them as much..
By the time I reached home I realized the question that I needed to answer whenever I was confronted by an unfamiliar face was simple; Fear or love, who will your companion be?
Namaste!
