Trail Mix
Stories and rambling randoms...
Who am I?
First and foremost I'm a Husband, Father, Son, Uncle, Brother, Cousin and (when I'm lucky enough to meet people who can stand me over extended periods of time) a "fierce, fierce friend"
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I'm also an Engineer and am currently employed as a Consultant Technologist focusing on "the automation of storage connectivity protocols". I’m very passionate about (actually EVERYTHING I get involved with, but especially when it involves) making life easier for technology users; and I do this through invention, writing, blogging and sharing knowledge whenever I can. Here I am sitting in my cube at work and my facial expression is "I feel like an ass for taking a selfie right now". If you want more information about my work, you can check out my professional blog at www.brasstacksblog.typepad.com
I'm also an aspiring Yogi, here's a picture that will reinforce the aspiring bit (at least for the 1/8th of the practice that involves the Asanas). The facial expression is "I feel like an ass because the yoga instructor is taking a picture of me and I haven't quite made it into the High Lunge pose she moved the class into about 10 seconds ago".
Side note: this picture was taken at the Mirage in Las Vegas at the "Secret Garden and Dolphin Habitat". I was actually in Las Vegas for EMC World and was searching for a class to replace my typical Saturday morning session with my favorite Yoga teacher. During my search I came across something called "Yoga with the Dolphins" and decided to give it a whirl. It was an experience I would highly recommend. At any point I could look to my left or straight ahead and watch Dolphins swim up to the windows and check us out.
So Why Trail Mix?
It was the summer of 2014 and I was completely out of sorts. I'd just wrapped up the first phase of a huge project at work (Virtual Storage Networks) and was winding down from having just completed a very successful "EMC World 2014" where I had the opportunity to speak to over a thousand EMC customers (literally). Since I had spent at least 200 hours preparing for my EMC World speaking sessions, I was expecting at least a slight case of "Post-Performance Depression" to follow my final presentation, but this time was different. The "down" feeling didn't go away, something was off, I felt flat, I had no energy and felt like I was in a fog. It probably also didn't help that I was the heaviest I've ever been in my life. I'm pretty sure I was a miserable SOB to be around as well. This feeling stuck with me for most of the summer until it was time for family vacation in Lincoln, New Hampshire. Here's a picture from that week, I'm pretty sure I was thinking "someone please shoot me".
While on this vacation, I had the opportunity to do some hiking with my 16 year old nephew, my daughter and her friend who were rising High School Seniors at the time. Looking back, what strikes me the most is how TIRED I was. For example, typically after one of these hikes, we'd get back to the condo and I'd be thinking "heh, time to relax with a nice beverage and then maybe a nap", and the "kids" were all like "Hey, can we go climb that other mountain right now"!?!?
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This feeling of constantly being tired was so persistent that by the end of the week I came to the realization that I needed to make some serious changes if I wanted to stop feeling OLD! Fortunately, also during that week I managed to rediscover a passion for the outdoors and hiking in particular that seemed like a good path to explore (pun totally intended) to see if it might lead to getting into better shape. With this thought in the back of my mind, I spent the rest of the week hiking, biking, building river dams, and by the time we had to go home, I started to feel a little bit better.
As I was driving home I spent the first half of the ride trying to figure out how I was going to be able to keep my momentum going. The problem is, I live too far away from the mountains of New Hampshire to make weekly pilgrimages all the way up there and the thought of walking on flat trails didn't seem all that appealing (at the time). Just as my thoughts shifted back onto my upcoming work week, a thought came to me out of the blue "hike Mt. Wachusett". (OK, so with barely a 1000' vertical elevation change on any of it's trails, you might be thinking "uh, big deal?", but to me, at the time hiking Mt. Wachusett sounded as daunting as climbing Mt. Katahdin.) Throughout the ride home the voice inside my head kept getting louder and louder, so the next day (Sunday August 3rd 2014) I drove to the craggy peak known as Mt. Wachusett, full of anxiety and terrified of the thought that I wouldn't be able to make it to the top. On the ride to the mountain my feelings of dread were magnified 10x when I came around a bend on 195N and saw the mountain off in the distance, it looked HUGE!
When I arrived at the Mt Wachusett visitors center, I went inside to see if I needed to "sign in". I swear I was thinking they'd probably want to know that someone was about to "climb the monster". As I walked in the door, the Ranger just looked at me in a disinterested kind of way (sort of like, "here we go again"), so I just gave him a nod and thought "it's better to beg for forgiveness than ask for permission anyway" as I walked out the door and onto Bicentennial Trail. Things were going great at first, at least until I turned onto Pine Hill Trail (.5 miles long and 600' of vertical elevation change). I was able to walk about 20 steps UP and I had to stop to take a breather. This process of taking 20 steps and then gasping for breath was repeated for the next 45 minutes or so. Along the way I was passed by all kinds of people including people carrying their children on their backs in "toddler packs". One asshole was even RUNNING up the hill. But the important point is I made it to the top and the picture belowis my proof. On the way down I felt great and made a promise to myself that I would climb the mountain every week until the snow made me stop.
I actually kept my promise for the most part and made it to the summit at least 20 more times (sometimes twice in one day) before the snow finally made me stop in early January. Throw in one failed attempt on Mt Monandnock (in October) and a successful attempt on Mt. Monadnock on New Year's Day 2015, and I guess most people would say I found something that I enjoyed doing. But it actually wasn't the exercise that I enjoyed, not directly anyway, it was something completely unexpected that kept drawing me back out into nature. I started to feel a connection to something larger than myself, something I had never felt before, I can't really even describe it with words and all attempts to do so drive the feeling out of my head; so I'll just say that when it happens it feels like the very fabric of the universe wraps me in a blanket of warmth, acceptance and love. I even remember the first time I felt it, it was Sunday September 7th. I was walking up a path and when I walked into the section of forest shown below, I was struck by the beauty of the sun coming down through the trees and then this wonderful feeling came over me and single word "Grace" popped into my mind. I swear I thought I was either having a stroke or loosing my mind. I remember thinking "Great, first I'm dealing with this depression and now I'm going insane". Despite my attempts to grasp the feeling and never let it go, it eventually faded and I continued my walk on up to the summit with the word "Grace" swirling around in my mind. At the time I thought it was the name of the feeling I had experienced but now I'm not so sure. See, the thing is (outside of my wife), I've never told that story to anyone (until now), and yet my sister gave her daughter that name less than three months later.
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There is so much more I could share about the closing months of 2014, including how I met some incredible people that have helped me in ways they'll probably never fully understand. I'm sure they'll make periodic appearances in my posts...
OK, so why trail mix?
All of that having been said, I still haven't answered the question "Why Trail Mix?". The short answer is I don't really know. I just know that as I walk through the woods and quiet my mind, the universe speaks. And as I contemplate what it says, I feel compelled to share the things that bring a sense of balance and peace into my life. My hope is that someone finds this information helpful in some way.
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Namaste!